The End.

Last Saturday Santi woke up and said, "Bookie" (combination of boob and milky) and nursed on the couch in the warm, dark living room as the day opened up around us. He hasn't nursed since. After nearly 8 years of being pregnant or nursing, a chapter closes...for all of us, but more for me. I remember the first time he nursed. I was so worried about yet another infection (I'd had five between the two other boys) and I bravely decided to put him to the boob in the hospital and try again. To trust. There wasn't any other way for me at that moment. I couldn't not nurse this tiny, precious baby that was now ours. So I did and the journey was so different and peaceful this time. I have breastfed for almost seven years combined and am proud of nursing my boys into strong little people and thankful for the bond it created for me with them. My body is now mine again, although a piece of my heart is forever gone.  

*the morning after writing this Santi wanted to nurse. Welcome to motherhood. You never really know what's going on. 

Fall

What it looks like when a seven year old still jumps in Papi's arms when he gets home from work. I know these days will end, but for now I just allow myself take them all in. Such a beautiful partnership these two have. These boys are lucky to have this dad. 

Oh, my hearts. Little Santi is finding his way into this family. I imagine it's like joining a new team at a new job that's already been working together for some years. He is Ignacio's stand up comedian and Emilio's best buddy. He is funny, caring, agreeable and loving. I mean, really? What more could you ask for? Absolutely precious. 

So much exploring this fall. Outdoor adventures and lots of fresh air. I even changed a huge poopy diaper on a rock in this botanical garden. That's like Black Belt parenting. 

A soccer player and a skeleton walk into a bar...never mind, it's just Halloween. 

My goal was to carve three pumpkins in 30 minutes and put kids to bed. Angel's was to replicate awesome online pictures after googling for half an hour.  Same difference. It all turned out great. So many seeds this year; which is why you carve in the first place, right? 

Big world, growing boy. My heart swells at even the thought of him. 

We spent 45 minutes on the last beautiful, sunny fall day at Great Clips to get his haircut. We repeated, "No suckers!" over 100 times while waiting. When his name was finally called he cried, refused to get in the chair and was highly uncooperative. Five suckers later, this is the final result. 

Oh, Emilio. Mommy had tears in her eyes and the biggest smile on her face. You nailed this. The only kid who hit all the marks and clapped every time. You were amazing. You are amazing.