Well, abuelo and abuela just left after a three-week stay and the kids had so much fun tackling abuelo and giving abuela sweet kisses. Our embraces were long at the airport and the grief to see them leave was strong. It felt good to have family around and we felt love and support in our parenting journey. So now I look at the calendar and we have two more weeks of summer. The grand finale!
The air is cool in the mornings and the leaves are tinged with yellow. Fall is making it's way upon us...I can feel it. My boys are beautiful and growing and changing almost as quickly as the leaves on the trees. Ignacio is tall and lean. He is smart and hyper. He is quick and active. He is kind and loving. His second and last year of preschool is coming up and we are buying his clothes (size 6 pants) and getting ready for his new experience. He will be there three days a week, a good transition to kindergarten. We are working on his whining, slowing his body down when he is upset and his focus. It is tough but we're doing it. I think school will help.
And my baby Emilio. He is getting so big. No more booster chair, no more crib for naps, no more 2T pants. He is intense and strong. He knows who he is. He is snuggly and kind. He is fire and ice. He is getting better at switching tracks when upset and the tantrums are decreasing slowly. He will miss his brother this year while he is at school. They are best friends for sure.
And Angel and I are so proud of our family. We sit at night talking and remembering. We remember how it all began with a swing on the dance floor and the hard work it took to be together. We remember the dream to have kids and raise them together as a family. We remember the love that brought us together and the love that is now manifested 1,000 times a day in our home in so many ways. And we wake up every day remembering that today will take patience, commitment and love to make it to tomorrow.
Monday, August 20, 2012
No new memories
Dear Grandma,
I have been putting off writing on the blog. You were one of the main reasons I ever started it to begin with. I remember Ignacio as a baby and me writing new posts. I would wait for your phone call to tell me you had read it and you would laugh and say I was such a great writer. Now those phone calls won't come. No new phone calls will come. Today I was filling out Ignacio's school forms and it asked if there were any new events or changes in the child's life. I burst into tears as I wrote that you had died. Ignacio came to tell me something and asked what I had in my eye as he noticed I was crying. I said that they were tears. He then asked why I was sad and I said it was because I missed you and he looked at me and said you were always with me. With that he took his little hand and held it to my heart and said, "Right here." He was right. You are right here.
I was thinking today about how, this time last year, were together buying Ignacio's school clothes. The striped sweater, the blue jeans. I called you his first day and took pictures of him for you. You were so much a part of his first academic experience, just like I imagine you were a part of mine. And I missed you so much today. I wanted to call you. Emilio asked to call you two days ago. I didn't know what to say. I almost called you during the opening ceremonies of the Olympics but then remembered you wouldn't answer. I missed you then too.
I am sad to think think there will be no new memories, for me or the boys. It is hard to believe that you died. Harder to believe that there will be no time spent with you again here on earth. I miss you. I miss your laugh, your guiding hand, your love, your praise for me as a mother and woman, your touch, your wisdom. Mostly I miss you being a great-grandma to my kids. I miss Emilio walking around the house talking to you on the phone. I miss watching my kids open up packages from you. The magazines keep coming from you and I feel my heart get heavy as I set them in little extended hands. I miss getting off on Hwy. 29 with excitement that we were half-way there.
The grief is so thick for me today and the love so deep. Maybe it is Ignacio starting school or the leaves that are changing...I don't quiet know. Ignacio said on the microphone at your funeral that we shouldn't be sad because, "now we all have an angel" and, if he says it I am going to believe it. So to you my dear angel, I ask for strength and kindness and I send love and sadness into the universe with hope for healing.
I have been putting off writing on the blog. You were one of the main reasons I ever started it to begin with. I remember Ignacio as a baby and me writing new posts. I would wait for your phone call to tell me you had read it and you would laugh and say I was such a great writer. Now those phone calls won't come. No new phone calls will come. Today I was filling out Ignacio's school forms and it asked if there were any new events or changes in the child's life. I burst into tears as I wrote that you had died. Ignacio came to tell me something and asked what I had in my eye as he noticed I was crying. I said that they were tears. He then asked why I was sad and I said it was because I missed you and he looked at me and said you were always with me. With that he took his little hand and held it to my heart and said, "Right here." He was right. You are right here.
I was thinking today about how, this time last year, were together buying Ignacio's school clothes. The striped sweater, the blue jeans. I called you his first day and took pictures of him for you. You were so much a part of his first academic experience, just like I imagine you were a part of mine. And I missed you so much today. I wanted to call you. Emilio asked to call you two days ago. I didn't know what to say. I almost called you during the opening ceremonies of the Olympics but then remembered you wouldn't answer. I missed you then too.
I am sad to think think there will be no new memories, for me or the boys. It is hard to believe that you died. Harder to believe that there will be no time spent with you again here on earth. I miss you. I miss your laugh, your guiding hand, your love, your praise for me as a mother and woman, your touch, your wisdom. Mostly I miss you being a great-grandma to my kids. I miss Emilio walking around the house talking to you on the phone. I miss watching my kids open up packages from you. The magazines keep coming from you and I feel my heart get heavy as I set them in little extended hands. I miss getting off on Hwy. 29 with excitement that we were half-way there.
The grief is so thick for me today and the love so deep. Maybe it is Ignacio starting school or the leaves that are changing...I don't quiet know. Ignacio said on the microphone at your funeral that we shouldn't be sad because, "now we all have an angel" and, if he says it I am going to believe it. So to you my dear angel, I ask for strength and kindness and I send love and sadness into the universe with hope for healing.
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