Full of Firsts

We attended Ignacio's first parent-teacher conference. I am not going to brag...but...the teacher did use the word "advanced."

In a nutshell...Ignacio:
*prefers social interaction over playing alone
*talks A LOT
*is respectful and kind
*has many friends and interacts with everyone
*is fluid in Spanish and English
*is a great listener...one of the only ones that stays sitting during circle time
*makes people laugh
*regulates conversations by looking away
*knows all his letters and numbers up to 20
*is empathetic..he knows who is out sick and asks about them
*talks all the time about his brother
*is good at letting people know what he needs

Last weekend was his first concert and the Joyce Holiday Fiesta. Auntie was right there to cheer him on. As I had the video camera pointed at Igancio ready to sing in the big gym I noticed that Emilio was no where to be found. Not wanting to take the camera off Ignacio but also wanting to find Emilio, I panicked. As I looked through the screen of the video camera I noticed a little boy in the front row with the kids up on the stage ready to sing. It was my little Emilio. He was up there ready to go and up there is where he stayed all three songs. He was moving back and forth and making eye contact with the audience.

This just solidified the fact that Emilio thinks he is in preschool. On the days Ignacio goes, Emilio carries his lunch box to school and upon entering, Emilio hangs his coat up on the hook with Ignacio's. Before you know if he is off and running into the classroom until I have to take him out kicking and screaming because he wants to stay. Well, he had his moment at the Fiesta up on stage like a big boy. Ignacio sang beautifully and was shy. He held his friend Jacob's hand the whole time. It was adorable...every part of it was adorable.

4 years of love and life!

The post is a little late, but better late than never right? Ignacio is four. Yea, you heard me. Ignacio is four. Once again I reminisced about the length of my labor...remembering back over the two days before he was born what I was doing and where I was. He woke up the day of his birthday this year so early and so excited to be four and we were sure to make it sure it was special. I had preordered tickets for the Aquarium, which we had never been to. Ignacio, Emilio and I made our way there and the excitement was mounting. I have to admit...it was pretty cool. There is a huge tunnel and you feel like you are actually in the ocean. The huge sharks and turtles swim right over your head. I took a picture with my phone of Ignacio at this part of the visit and I had a moment. As I looked at it on my phone he looked so big. His bright eyes were glowing and his lanky little body was tall and strong. He is a preschooler...almost a school-aged kid and he is beautiful. After lunch at home and a day full of play we returned to the Mall Of America to meet Angel where we had a special dinner at the Rainforest Cafe. It reminded me of being there with my mom when Ignacio was really little and she requested a change from having a view of the huge dancing gorillas to a seat next to the big fish tank. This time around he was fascinated by the huge animals but still anxious. After eating waaaaaay too much food Angel took the boys back to the Aquarium to take a look also. As we arrived home we lit a candle on a cupcake. Ignacio requested that HE sing to us, rather than the other way around. Goofball. As we tucked him I thanked God for him. Thanked the universe for bringing me such a gift in the form of a bright light we decided to name Angel Ignacio four years ago.

The winds of change...

I am in a major love affair with both of my boys as of late. I am so proud of who they are and the little people the have become.

Ignacio is creative, thoughtful, polite, kind and respectful. The list could go on of course. He is enjoying preschool and we are enjoying watching him blossom into a little student. As parents we are also enjoying the experience of becoming involved members of his school and connecting with other families. Ignacio told me yesterday that, "one day I will make you lunch mommy" and the loving lines like that come every day. He is patient and responsible with his brother. He alone has taught Emilio the last 4 words he has learned. He is a good problem-solver, leaving me in a position to rarely need to intervene, whether it is with other kids or just his brother. And then he is just three...funny faces, hilarious observations and whiney at times.

And Emilio is beautiful. He is intense, yet balanced. He still moves that little left arm when dancing or running and he is active. He is learning to share and applauds himself every time he does it. He can say sooo many words now and his language has taken off. He is cuddly and a little love with enough boy energy to keep him a little bit of ying and a little bit of yang.

But the most magical part of it all is watching them together. They are partners. They have inside jokes and games. They make each other laugh without worrying about if the adults are even paying attention. They take care of each other and play so well together that I rarely have to be present in the same room or participating in what they are doing. Today I overheard Ignacio in the other room say to Emilio, "Tu eres mi mejor amigo Emilio" Translation: "You are my best friend Emilio." I couldn't have painted that picture any more perfect.

Death and Dying 101

My sensitive soul has encountered the concept of death and it has been a challenging week. Call it a rite of passage. After coming across a dead squirrel, a dead bird and a dead cricket all in a few days, the questions started coming.

Do all animals die? Do all people die? Do we only die when we are old? Do you die when you get white hair? Are you going to die today? Is Papa going to die? Are we going to die together? Do I have to keep you from dying? What happens to our bodies when we die? Will I have the same face? Will they put your body in the garbage like Uncle Chad put the bird in the garbage? Do I get to keep my necklace? Will you still give me kisses? WHY DO WE HAVE TO DIE?

On and on the questions come and on and on I am faced to really evaluate, "What do I think about death and dying?" While it would be easy to talk about a happy place that we all go where there is lots of candy and toys, I fight the urge. I feel a responsibility to provide simple and honest answers but also feel okay saying, "You know. I don't know the answer to that." What do I know and what can I share? I know that we are more than our bodies. That there is a part of us that lives on with those we love. Call it a spirit. Call it a soul. Call it most simply the love we have shared during our time on earth. I know that I will always be with Ignacio. In the way he treats himself. In the way he treats others. In his laughter and the things that most break his heart. I know that we will never really be apart.

First Day

Here he is. My preschooler!!!! Froggy lunchbox and Elmo backpack. Please notice the crocodile in his right hand. So Ignacio.

Playing with PlayDoh once we arrived. Emilio sat and the table too. It was kind of his first day too. At least we let him think that.

His cubby!!!

Walking into the building. Here is where I got a little teared up.

Ignacio insisted the boys be matching today. Here they are. They joys and loves of my life. Brother LOVE!!!

I woke up to Ignacio two inches from face asking, "Is today my first day of school????!!!!" Yes, indeed it was. After doing circles around the house while I got ready, he finally decided to use his excitement constructively and make a picture for his teacher. A purple whale. By 8:30am we were out the door and I was taking an insane number of pictures while he and Emilio ran circles around each other. He looked so little and yet so big at the same time. Rewind 12 hours and I was sighing as I packed his first lunchbox and wrote him his first love note. And now here he was, jumping out of the car as we arrived at preschool with that same lunchbox in tow. He ran to the top of the stairs in front of his school at put his fist to the air and exclaimed, "Listo para aprender!!! (Ready to Learn!!)" Okay, he's ready.

As we entered the school the energy was high and his teacher was there to greet him. After hanging up his jacket and backpack on his hook we made our way to the all-purpose room where all the parents and kids were gathered. How refreshing to hear a room full of kids speaking Spanish with little gold chains on and parents giving them directions that sounded eerily familiar to the way we instruct in our household. He jumped into PlayDoh and within minutes I felt it was time for me to go. After giving him my "Bendicion" (blessing) I made my way out with Emili0.

There it was. The moment I had been anticipating. The moment that, some days, never seemed would come. How did it feel? It felt natural and perfectly timed. I was ready. He was ready. I just don't know if the world is ready!

L.O.V.E.

Mama Ama with her two boys.

A trip out to the harbor on a beautiful afternoon. The family made our trip so special. From juice boxes to yummy meals it was such a special time.

SPIDER MAN!!!!!!

I knew it was going to be a good trip when I looked over to see Mama Ama holding a KitKat out to Emilio and saying, "Grandma...say Grandma." A little bribery never hurt! Within one day she had a sand box in her back room and a smile on her face. Watching my grandma parent my children brings me back to how she parented me. love. leniency. laughter. Ignacio feels a strong connection to her. Just another thing he and I now have in common.

More Manson Memories

So many memories made...Ignacio going down the slide alone, swimming to all the ladders, out to the raft and jumping in alone...sleeping upstairs alone in a bunkbed...the boys playing...the sound of little feet on the dock...the smell of the cottage...screaming at seeing the lake for the first time...eating popcicles...looking at albums...the babies playing...turtle hunting...walks...sunsets...the water...sweet, sweet, memores.

The babies. Need I say more?

What's in that bucket you ask? TURTLES!!!! Here we are after our hunting expedition.

Angel and Chad caught fish with the kids by putting bread in a net and waiting for the fish to come. It worked!

Here is me laying on the dock just one of the nights with a beautiful sunset. I take a picture every night I am at the cottage.

Another naked baby picture in the water at the steps of the cottage. Emilio was a little unsure of the water because it was pretty cold but he went swimming every day to keep up with his brother.

Our first trek into turtle territory. I was hesitant for Angel and I to take a 3 year old and a 1 year old in a canoe but we didn't tip over. Give a kid a net and he really thinks he's doing something!

Every morning we went for a walk to pick up sticks, look for animals and enjoy the silence. First order of business was finding flowers for the Virgin.

The boys spent a good deal of time in the sandbox and, while I don't have very many memories of playing in it, I am sure I was there too at their age. One of the days a toad popped out of the sand as Ignacio was playing. Surprise! Please note Emilio's camera smile. He can do it on cue now.

Hot and Happy

It has been HOT and HUMID and SUMMMMER! When we walk outside Ignacio always says, "It's a beautiful day." That statement is normally followed up by a secondary commentary such as, "Just a little too windy." Thank you Mr. Forecaster. He has had some interesting questions lately. Let's see if you know the answers.

Are Santa's elves his nephews?
Do penguins fly? If not, then why do they have wings?
Is our neighbor just old or old like Santa?

He keeps me on my toes. He has been testing the limits more lately and we have been riding it like a giant wave but overall we continue to think we should keep him around and not return him to Methodist Hospital.

Emilio is getting so "grown up" and has some hilarious new talents. When he is mad he will cry and scream and then look around the room for something to throw. Then he will go get it and throw it. I try not to laugh but he looks like a little Hulk holding something over his head with all his might only to find satisfaction in it crashing to the ground.

He also thinks he can count. He stands at the edge of the pool (when he hasn't already jumped straight in) with his little index finger in the air and saying, "uhhh...uhhh" (Uhhh is a number by the way) and bends his little knees to bounce with every "uhhh." Oh and he is a tremendous dancer. His little left arm bend and and he moves back and forth. Sometimes he combines this with a dip or a twirl. I wish there was a Dancing With The Stars Baby Edition I could enter him in because I would.

The Best Part

Want to know what the best part is? Watching your family love your kids as much as they love you. That is the best part.

Summer, Summer, Summer Time

Summer is upon us...Minnesota style. Cloudy, crisp then 90 degrees and sunny the next day. The boys are hilarious at this age. Emilio is totally coming into his own and is proving to be a little clown. Sing a beat and he is off dancing and twirling around. He comes and gives me kisses out of nowhere and will sit in Ignacio's bed and read books alone with his little legs crossed. We just love him so much and can't imagine our family without him. He will do just about everything and anything to get Ignacio's attention. He is quick, smart and ADORABLE. Did I mention he is adorable?

Ignacio is a great big brother and a such a great little person. We very rarely have to discipline him and are always so proud of him ability to see the world and have fun in it. He is always alert to where Emilio is and what he is doing and they are starting to really play together. It is so special to watch them form such a tight relationship all on their own. It makes me think about what it must have been like for my mom to watch it happen between my sister and I. Magic. Ignacio is learning so much so fast. His newest concept is death. He understands that things are no longer just sleeping and is trying to make sense of it. Here is a recent conversation in the pool:

I: If Emilio's face goes in the water he is dead?

Me: Well, he could die if his face stays too long in the water.

I: And then we would have to get a new Emilio?

Me: (Trying not to laugh) No, honey. There is only one Emilio.

Every day we are off to some new adventure and have been biking A LOT!! 25 miles last weekend alone. The two boys sit in the bike trailer and enjoy the scenery, have in-depth conversations or take a nap. The summer has just began but we have already been to art fairs, festivals, the North Shore, auntie's backyard, our swimming pool, picnics, parks, bbqs, beaches on the lakes, the pond and this weekend we are off for our FIRST CAMPING TRIP!!!! Hold your hats for the next blog!!!!!

Little Boy

Ignacio never comes out of his bed at night, but last night at 10pm we heard his door swing open as Angel and I sat relaxed on the couch in the living room. He first made his way to our bedroom but, upon realizing we weren't there, wandered into the living room rubbing his eyes. The image was adorable. Hair standing on end from hours of slumber, his green blanky securely tucked under one arm with Big Bird hanging out from under the other. To top off the "cuteness factor" he had on his blue footie pajamas. He approached me slowly and stood there, eyes squinting and said, "Excuse me mami and papi. I'm kind of having a crazy day." I covered my mouth to keep from laughing and pulled him onto my lap. After two minutes of negotiating a plan with him (which started at, "I want to sleep in your bed" and moved to "Let's snuggle for 5 minutes and then you go back to your bed") we made our way back to the bedroom. Sometimes it is easy to forget Ignacio is three with his expansive vocabulary, uncanny ability to think and problem solve and his hilarious nature. But last night the combination of bed head and Big Bird brought me back to the fact that he is still just a little boy. My little boy.

Cues

Emilio is now able to "cue" me that he has certain needs or wants and it is making the fluidity of relationship much easier. We are like an old married couple who finally went to marriage counseling and understand what the other has been saying all along. He has always sent me cues, even as a newborn; they just are taking more forms than crying 100 different ways and making odd facial expressions that I try to interpret. "Oh, that is his gas face. I think he ate too much. No, maybe he didn't eat enough. I don't know. What do you think honey?"

Take for instance if he poops in his diaper. He comes to me pulling at the front of his diaper and then is able to wave his hand in front of his nose as if to say, "I SMELLLL!!! Somebody take care of this pronto!" I then say, "Change di di?" and he reaches up to hold my hand as we wander down the hall to his changing table. If he wants something he sees he opens and closes his hand really fast as if to say, "Hurry up already. Touching that object is of the highest importance!" If he wants more of something he signs the word "more" by bringing his little fingers together. Tia Casey taught that to his ONCE and he remembers it. Amazing little genius baby. If he is ready to get out of his booster seat he brings one knee up and cries as it (always!!!!) gets caught between the tray and the back of the seat. If he is mad he stops in his place, clenches his fists and puts his arms out tensing with frustration. Sometimes this is accompanied by dramatically throwing himself on the floor or sidewalk but that is only on a really good mad day. When I cue the music he runs around in a circle with his mouth smiling so wide you can literally see all 12 of his teeth. This is quickly followed by a sweet rendition of "Watch me bop up and down while trying to clap my hands." Harder than you might initially think for a 14 month old people. Give the kids some credit! And when he sees me, even after I have been gone for only a half hour, he runs (which is walking really fast practically face-planting) to me with his little arms opened wide and the above-mentioned wide smile as if to say "Happinessssss!!!!" Right back at you Emilio.

A Talker

Okay, I know I was a talker. I know I talked all the time and all the people in my life had to smile and nod and listen. I know that Ignacio is EXACTLY like me in this sense. I know, I know, I know. Yet, after nine hours of being the primary person he is talking to I feel myself ready to implode. He talks non-stop. He talks about what he is thinking. He talks about what he sees. He talks about what he feels, what he hears and what he fears. He talks and talks. Some days he asks questions that he already knows the answer to just to prevent a lull in our ten hour conversation. He talks when the music is blasting in the car. He talks when I am trying to listen to NPR. He talks right when they say the weather forecast on the radio. He talks when I am blow drying my hair. He talks even when the blender is on. I loose myself in the white noise of the apparatus as I watch his little mouth moving but with no sound. In fact, he is talking to me right now. I told him to talk to his brother but he said, "When I talk to Emilio he cries." I can empathize with that sentiment Emilio. Most days I ask for patience when what I want to say is "STOP TALKING!!!!!!!" I know that in the long run this is a good thing. I will always know what is on his mind. The day he is quiet I know something is wrong. We will always be connected through our incessant need to share. He's a talker. Now it is my job to become a better listener. Just another homework assignment from my three year old Zen master.

Good Grief

This was my fourth Mother's Day as a mom. As I sheepishly laid in bed even after I was awake I smiled at the sound of little feet and squeels. I love my kids and I love being a mom (most days). It was my first Mother's Day without my mom in my life and the weight of the day was heavy. I tried to remind myself that it was only a day hand-picked by other people to celebrate a social role and that the next day would be just another day. It wasn't about it being Mother's Day. It was the fact that Mother's Day is the same as the day that came before it and the day that would follow it. Another day without my mom in my life. Mother's Day has always been the day that I would focus on the positives of my relationship with my mom and, for one day, try to forget the pain and suffering that came along with it. Mother's Day, by definition, reduces complicated human relationships of mother and children to the basic fact that this woman brought you into the world and, thus, should be honored. Only this year it was different. There was only a space, an emptiness, a sadness. While I allowed myself the permission to feel the grief throughout the day, I focused on the boy who made me a mother. And as Ignacio and I sat at the coffee shop across the table from each other as we ate way too many chocolate cookies and laughed, I reflected on the depth that being a mother has brought to my life. I thought about how I want to do things right with him and right by him forever, and I thanked him for making me a mom with the urge to cry. This was good grief at it's finest. Mourning loss with hope of new beginnings.

Blessings

You wake up and then remember. The Easter basket is hidden and it has CANDY! This was the first year that Ignacio was able to really participate in the ritual of the Easter Bunny, even leaving two carrots and water (in a plate not a cup because "Rabbits lick water!!!!") out for him the night before. We celebrated with family and friends, ate more ham than was probably good for us and ended the weekend tired but full. Last year Emilio was just a newborn and we ended up shoving food in our face at a Chinese buffet for Easter because it was all we could muster up given our energy levels. But this year we felt better (aka less guilty) because we did our best to pull off the tradition.

Our boys are so beautiful and growing so beautifully. Ignacio, well, Ignacio is Ignacio. Full of energy, VERY talkative, an actor, a musician (rock star as he would say) and very inquisitive and smart. That is on a good day. On not so good days he is challenging, demanding, repetitive and intense. When I say "good day" I am of course referring to my good days and not so good days! He is pretty much the same kid. What changes is my ability to keep up with him! After coming home from church on Sunday he wanted to play church and, of course, he was God. He is excited to start preschool this fall and SO READY!! He is an enthusiastic leader, charging the pack of four year old boys at the park (I mean pirates) to the other "ship" and I just smile as I watch them all follow behind him, sticks in hand held high to the sky.

Emilio, well, Emilio is Emilio. He is walking/running and his little behind is so cute as he makes his way from point A to B. He is smart and, as Ignacio would say, "curious" and ADORABLE. He has been described as those closest to him as spunky, a little man, a handful, a mama's boy and a little stinker. I would say there is truth to all of those. He is expressive, spending most of the day babbling with furiostiy. Good luck to him getting a word in with his brother around. He says oh-oh and hi and I am convinced that yesterday he said mama. He is studious, choosing one book and making his way over to me with it held out. He points and babbles as his way of asking what things are. He squeeled and pointed at the monkeys at the zoo this week so enthusiastically that everyone around ended up watching him rather than the animals.

Both the boys are snugglers and we spend a good portion of our day doing just that and they spend a considerable amount of time snuggling each other. Their relationship is more dynamic. I find if I remove myself from it they tend to get along better than vying for my alliance. Ignacio is intense with Emilio but Emilio can hold his own quite well...and I have observed that he is often the instigator. (Hence the labels of a little stinker and spunky). He is definitely his own little person and there is no current concern of him loosing himself in his brother's shadow. He is his own light.

BIG

When did you get so big? A boy with bright eyes and a wide smile.

When did your feet get so big and your fingers so long?

When did you get your courage and your loving way of seeing the world?

When did I stop swaddling you in my arms and start holding your hand?

When did we become a big family with so much love in the space between us?

He's off!

So Angel went to Chicago for work this week and when he called to check in and see what was new I cringed when I told him over the phone, "Emilio is walking." It wasn't bad that he's walking but just, what are the chances Angel would be away when it happened. But it was true. That afternoon I was on one side of the living room with a box of Annie's Cracker Mix and Emilio took over 5 steps to get to me (In all fairness in my head it was to me but it was really to get the crackers). And then he just took off. You know when you try to start a lawn mower and after a few crueling tries it starts? Well, that is what Emilio has been like with walking...a few falls and tumbles but then....VRRROOOOMMM. He's off. He looks like something between an old man and a drunk man when he waddles but it is ADORABLE. And the best part is that he usually babbles when he does it. You have to see it to believe it but Emilio is turning into a toddler, although in my heart he is still my baby.

Do you remember?

On Monday night we had just come back from Panama and it had been a long day. Ignacio and I were so tired. I laid in his bed with him, facing his little face with mine and said, "It has been a long day" to which he replied, "Yea, a long, long day like a big, big snake." Then it was quiet and out of nowhere he asked, "Do you remember Ama?" and I said yes. Then he said, "That was when I was two." Yes, Ignacio you were last with Ama when you were two. He still remembers her. She still exists in his mind. I continue to pray for healing in all of our hearts so that next year he doesn't ask if I remember her because she won't be a only a memory.

Appreciation

Ever since the crash I have felt a greater appreciation not only for my husband but for things in general. Lucky the accident has turned out to be a blessing in many ways for our family. I am just happy that my husband walked through the door that night and that when Ignacio asked me if, "Papa is coming home" I could say with relief, "yes."

Crack me up!

Here are just some of Ignacio's recent "crack me up" moments:

I asked him to put the toy back in the room and he said, "My legs aren't working."

Today he went to the bathroom and "pooped" and then, as he sat on the toilet said, "My nose is sad."

Yesterday he told me what he was doing and then asked me, "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

He asked me on the way to Addison's birthday party if impalas had big or little poop.

"What do trees eat?" My answer was sunshine to which he proclaimed, "NOOOO. Then it won't be a beautiful day."

He told me last week I couldn't go to work because, "The people locked it and it's closed."

At the kitchen table Krissy and I heard Ignacio ask Addison if he as his best friend, to which Addison seriously answered, "Ummm, not yet."

He is amazing and has an amazing mind. Even more amazing is his mouth which just keeps going and going and going and going and well, you get the point.

HIIIIIIII

Emilio's first word is officially "Hi" but it isn't what he says; it is how he says it. It is a soft, long "Hi" that warms your heart the minute the syllable leaves his mouth. He can also say "Moo" when asked what a cow says in Spanish, he roars when asked what the dinosaurs says and is getting his snake hiss down really good. The other day he picked up his shoe and tried to put it on and yesterday he attempted to brush his own hair with papa's brush. It can't be. I won't believe it. He is almost one. A whole year in this world. I love him. I love him. I love him.

Waiting

Ignacio is officially on the waiting list for Centro preschool here in Minneapolis. January has been cold and lonely for us, but one of the positives is that it moved me to looking into preschools much more seriously. After playing phone tag with the director of Siembra, the preschool program, for one month...yea, that's how busy they are...I finally got through. I felt like a Real Housewife from New York trying to get Ignacio into one of the private nursury schools, only in our case we are going for the inner-city non-profit program for immigrant families. After asking my questions and listening intently to the director explain the program, Ignacio's name was officially added. After I hung up the phone it hit me. Soon we will not be together all day. He and his brother will not cry and fight incesently over the plastic animals and he will have stories to tell me about his experiences in which I did not partake. All of a sudden the minutes, hours and days that seem to DRAG on right now became fleeting moments of precious time. The director couldn't tell us how long it will be until he is given a spot...6 months or more? But for now we are waiting...but I prefer to see it as living.

Up for interpretation

Ignacio has taken it upon himself to be Emilio's ambassador. It suddenly appears that Emilio is a foreign exchange student from a far-off land and only Ignacio knows his language and, for that reason, has taken responsibility of ensuring our FULL understanding of Emilio's wants and needs. Last night Angel was trying to feed Emilio and was crying. Ignacio stated, "He's saying, 'I DON'T WANT PRUNES!!!!'" Thank you Ignacio. Today Emilio was throwing his food on the floor and I said, "No, no Emilio." Ignacio quickly responded, "It's his job. He's learning. He's saying, 'I DON'T WANT MORE FOOD!!!" Thank you Ignacio. The funniest part is that he says Emilio's supposed words with conviction and emotion. The other night I left for work and Ignacio said, "When you leave Emilio's sad and says, 'I want milky." Oh boy...Emilio, please start talking soon so we can respectfully relieve Ignacio from his position as your interpreter.

Un-fricken-believable

Running late to apply for Passports.
Finally park downtown, find quarters for meter and walk a block to the government center.
Three escalators and 15 questions posed by Ignacio later we make it through the doors.
Only accept money order/check.
We don't have a money order or a check.
Angel runs blocks away to our bank...I stay with the kids while meter is running.
Ignacio asks if there is a potty and with Emilio in arms we run.
Ignacio makes it to the potty but has accuracy issues so underwear and entire left pant leg wet.
I cringe as I have to put Emilio down on the bathroom floor to help a crying Ignacio.
We make it back to the service center and Emilio poops.
I have no diaper or wipes.
One kid smells like pee the other poop.
Our number is called...we don't have Emilio's Social Security number.
Our photo (taken at WALGREENS) doesn't meet criteria.
We hold a stinky baby up and try to make him smile.
Application accepted...and there is a $60.00 processing fee. Didn't know that.

Technical Difficulties

"Happy New Ears!!!!" That is what Ignacio said at our friend's house on January 1st. We all practically wet ourselves. The holiday season has come and gone and yet I have not blogged or posted any pictures.

Our trip to Milwaukee to be with Mama Ama and the family was, for lack of a better word, magical. It was the closest I have felt to being cross-legged on the floor in the "fancy room" at Edge O' Woods on the 24th, when the room used to fill with laundry baskets of gifts and everyone came through the front door to share in the moment. We had the opportunity to embrace so many family members we hadn't seen in years, many of them meeting my kids for the first time. I was proud watching them fall in love with Ignacio and Emilio in a matter of seconds and felt like I regained a piece of myself and my childhood as family member after family member made the comment, "You were JUST like Ignacio!!!" As they fell in love with him, I felt that they were falling in love with my inner child all over again.

I felt loved, I felt seen and I felt whole. Ignacio quickly made "best friends" including Auntie Kath (one of the only ones who could keep up with him) and Auntie Mary (one of the only ones who let him talk and talk with no interruption). And, well, you can only imagine Mama Ama's delight as Ignacio brought all her ideas to life. He frolicked around the living room in the elf costume she bought him, and decorated the tree for her and even put his animal toys out to be by baby Jesus. I just remember looking around at Krista's birthday moment and thinking, "This is what it feels like to have family."

One of my most precious moments was watching Ignacio as Santa came roaming through the backyard and passed under the lighted arch, right before turning to pet one of the moving reindeer. I got so wrapped up in the moment I was shrieking with delight. It was magical.

I have so many wonderful pictures but, for some reason my computer isn't reading my camera so I can't download them. Technical difficulties are creating some issues but, with time I am hoping to get this figured out. For the time being, Happy (belated) Holidays and Happy New Ears to you and yours.

THREE!!!

Sometimes God gives you gifts like a break in the clouds when you long for a ray of sun or a rainy day to give a reason to stay inside. One year ago today my gift came in a small, quiet baby...my godson. Addison is three today. Three years that I have been able to grow with him, learn with him and laugh with him. Whether it be peeling him off electric devices or watching his face light up at the news he can eat as many cookies as he wants at aunties house, it truly has been a trip. What is even more amazing is to watch his friendship with Ignacio grow and mature from just staring at one another as infants to having in depth conversations about being "best friends" and sharing in the excitement of wearing big boy underwear. Happy Birthday Addison. You will ALWAYS be auntie's Bam Bam.