Cues

Emilio is now able to "cue" me that he has certain needs or wants and it is making the fluidity of relationship much easier. We are like an old married couple who finally went to marriage counseling and understand what the other has been saying all along. He has always sent me cues, even as a newborn; they just are taking more forms than crying 100 different ways and making odd facial expressions that I try to interpret. "Oh, that is his gas face. I think he ate too much. No, maybe he didn't eat enough. I don't know. What do you think honey?"

Take for instance if he poops in his diaper. He comes to me pulling at the front of his diaper and then is able to wave his hand in front of his nose as if to say, "I SMELLLL!!! Somebody take care of this pronto!" I then say, "Change di di?" and he reaches up to hold my hand as we wander down the hall to his changing table. If he wants something he sees he opens and closes his hand really fast as if to say, "Hurry up already. Touching that object is of the highest importance!" If he wants more of something he signs the word "more" by bringing his little fingers together. Tia Casey taught that to his ONCE and he remembers it. Amazing little genius baby. If he is ready to get out of his booster seat he brings one knee up and cries as it (always!!!!) gets caught between the tray and the back of the seat. If he is mad he stops in his place, clenches his fists and puts his arms out tensing with frustration. Sometimes this is accompanied by dramatically throwing himself on the floor or sidewalk but that is only on a really good mad day. When I cue the music he runs around in a circle with his mouth smiling so wide you can literally see all 12 of his teeth. This is quickly followed by a sweet rendition of "Watch me bop up and down while trying to clap my hands." Harder than you might initially think for a 14 month old people. Give the kids some credit! And when he sees me, even after I have been gone for only a half hour, he runs (which is walking really fast practically face-planting) to me with his little arms opened wide and the above-mentioned wide smile as if to say "Happinessssss!!!!" Right back at you Emilio.

A Talker

Okay, I know I was a talker. I know I talked all the time and all the people in my life had to smile and nod and listen. I know that Ignacio is EXACTLY like me in this sense. I know, I know, I know. Yet, after nine hours of being the primary person he is talking to I feel myself ready to implode. He talks non-stop. He talks about what he is thinking. He talks about what he sees. He talks about what he feels, what he hears and what he fears. He talks and talks. Some days he asks questions that he already knows the answer to just to prevent a lull in our ten hour conversation. He talks when the music is blasting in the car. He talks when I am trying to listen to NPR. He talks right when they say the weather forecast on the radio. He talks when I am blow drying my hair. He talks even when the blender is on. I loose myself in the white noise of the apparatus as I watch his little mouth moving but with no sound. In fact, he is talking to me right now. I told him to talk to his brother but he said, "When I talk to Emilio he cries." I can empathize with that sentiment Emilio. Most days I ask for patience when what I want to say is "STOP TALKING!!!!!!!" I know that in the long run this is a good thing. I will always know what is on his mind. The day he is quiet I know something is wrong. We will always be connected through our incessant need to share. He's a talker. Now it is my job to become a better listener. Just another homework assignment from my three year old Zen master.

Good Grief

This was my fourth Mother's Day as a mom. As I sheepishly laid in bed even after I was awake I smiled at the sound of little feet and squeels. I love my kids and I love being a mom (most days). It was my first Mother's Day without my mom in my life and the weight of the day was heavy. I tried to remind myself that it was only a day hand-picked by other people to celebrate a social role and that the next day would be just another day. It wasn't about it being Mother's Day. It was the fact that Mother's Day is the same as the day that came before it and the day that would follow it. Another day without my mom in my life. Mother's Day has always been the day that I would focus on the positives of my relationship with my mom and, for one day, try to forget the pain and suffering that came along with it. Mother's Day, by definition, reduces complicated human relationships of mother and children to the basic fact that this woman brought you into the world and, thus, should be honored. Only this year it was different. There was only a space, an emptiness, a sadness. While I allowed myself the permission to feel the grief throughout the day, I focused on the boy who made me a mother. And as Ignacio and I sat at the coffee shop across the table from each other as we ate way too many chocolate cookies and laughed, I reflected on the depth that being a mother has brought to my life. I thought about how I want to do things right with him and right by him forever, and I thanked him for making me a mom with the urge to cry. This was good grief at it's finest. Mourning loss with hope of new beginnings.

Blessings

You wake up and then remember. The Easter basket is hidden and it has CANDY! This was the first year that Ignacio was able to really participate in the ritual of the Easter Bunny, even leaving two carrots and water (in a plate not a cup because "Rabbits lick water!!!!") out for him the night before. We celebrated with family and friends, ate more ham than was probably good for us and ended the weekend tired but full. Last year Emilio was just a newborn and we ended up shoving food in our face at a Chinese buffet for Easter because it was all we could muster up given our energy levels. But this year we felt better (aka less guilty) because we did our best to pull off the tradition.

Our boys are so beautiful and growing so beautifully. Ignacio, well, Ignacio is Ignacio. Full of energy, VERY talkative, an actor, a musician (rock star as he would say) and very inquisitive and smart. That is on a good day. On not so good days he is challenging, demanding, repetitive and intense. When I say "good day" I am of course referring to my good days and not so good days! He is pretty much the same kid. What changes is my ability to keep up with him! After coming home from church on Sunday he wanted to play church and, of course, he was God. He is excited to start preschool this fall and SO READY!! He is an enthusiastic leader, charging the pack of four year old boys at the park (I mean pirates) to the other "ship" and I just smile as I watch them all follow behind him, sticks in hand held high to the sky.

Emilio, well, Emilio is Emilio. He is walking/running and his little behind is so cute as he makes his way from point A to B. He is smart and, as Ignacio would say, "curious" and ADORABLE. He has been described as those closest to him as spunky, a little man, a handful, a mama's boy and a little stinker. I would say there is truth to all of those. He is expressive, spending most of the day babbling with furiostiy. Good luck to him getting a word in with his brother around. He says oh-oh and hi and I am convinced that yesterday he said mama. He is studious, choosing one book and making his way over to me with it held out. He points and babbles as his way of asking what things are. He squeeled and pointed at the monkeys at the zoo this week so enthusiastically that everyone around ended up watching him rather than the animals.

Both the boys are snugglers and we spend a good portion of our day doing just that and they spend a considerable amount of time snuggling each other. Their relationship is more dynamic. I find if I remove myself from it they tend to get along better than vying for my alliance. Ignacio is intense with Emilio but Emilio can hold his own quite well...and I have observed that he is often the instigator. (Hence the labels of a little stinker and spunky). He is definitely his own little person and there is no current concern of him loosing himself in his brother's shadow. He is his own light.