Sleepover

Sometimes during the week the boys and I have a "sleepover" which mean we all pile into the King Size bed and snuggle in.  Yesterday was one of those days.  The boys requested I be in the middle, which I begrudgingly took although I knew in twenty minutes I would have to go to the bathroom and would have to find my way out of the bed.  Angel Ignacio pressed his back into mine because he knows it relieves some of the pressure from the pregnancy and Emilio was practically on top of me snuggled in.  Within five minutes Ignacio was out.  I could feel his little twitches; a sure tell sign he was off and dreaming.  Emilio took a little longer but was soon breathing in a steady rhythm and becoming the little hot pocket he does when he sleeps.  I, of course was in between them like the ham in a ham sandwich.  I just took a moment for gratitude.  What a blessing to be with my boys every day; to watch them grow.  There was no where in the world I would rather be.  No board room, or session, or meeting.  I was meant to be right there; at a sleepover in the middle of the day with the sun pouring in the window onto us. 

Take that!

Today Ignacio came to my tummy to say hello to the baby.  He put his mouth on my belly and started talking.  "Hola bebe hermanito!! Quieres jugar?" (Hello baby brother!! Want to play??)  All of a sudden the baby kicked his chin!  We laughed so hard.  He then put his mouth back on my belly and said the same thing and, sure enough, the baby kicked his face again.  He called Angel at work to tell him.  He was so excited and felt so special.  He then went back to playing and said, "He is looking for a best friend."  I looked at him and said, "You are going to be a great one."

Meant To Be

Baby number three is a boy!!  We found out at our ultrasound and we are so excited.  Thankfully everything looked great and the doctor says that the baby looks normal and healthy; two things that are absolute blessings.  The baby was moving around so much and at one point I had to get up and go to the bathroom to see if we could get him to move so she could see his heart.  Ultrasounds are amazing.  You can see in such detail all the little inner workings of the baby.  It made me think about grandma and how different her baby's life may have been had they known about his heart defect before he was born.  Angel was with me and it was so cool for him to see the baby, even if he has been feeling it for a couple of weeks.  We got it on tape when we told the boys it was a boy.  Ignacio said that they could now be the Boy Scouts and Emilio followed up by saying they could be a "superhero squad."  They both had smiles ear to ear.  We went out to eat to celebrate and I couldn't stop smiling for hours. 

I have imagined this baby being a boy, partly because I am so used to boys it only made sense it would be boy, but also because I wanted it to be a boy.  Before getting pregnant for the first time I wondered what I would ever do with a boy.  Coming from a household with all women, the thought of parenting a penis was odd.  Then Ignacio came and snuggled into my heart, followed by my little Emilio who has captured my full love and attention since the day he was born.  I love being a mommy to boys.  The relationship is so unique and special and even deeper and greater than I could have ever imagined.  There is a sense of security and safety that having boys brings me...maybe because boys adore their moms in Latino culture and take VERY good care of them. Sure, it would have been a blessing to have a girl.  There are such precious experiences that only a daughter can give you; this is true.  But I can honestly say I don't feel I am missing out.  I am not crying over never buying a prom dress or never watching Angel walk her down the aisle.  In some ways, to be perfectly honest, I am relieved.

And there are benefits to having three boys.  For instance, they can all go to the bathroom together, share clothes, fight over the same girl, have boy time with Angel, share a room and develop a band of brotherhood that, with a girl in the mix, would have left her a little left out. And so the journey continues.  What will he look like?  Who will he look like? How will our family adjust?  How will the boys be with a baby brother? How will their personalities be alike or different? So much to unfold.  For now we are thankful to God for the opportunity for a new addition to our family.  He was worth the wait and there is no doubt he was meant to be. 

Disbanded

Ignacio returned home on Wednesday and informed me that the "Girl Scouts" have officially been disbanded by the teachers at school.  A decision was reached that their group was disruptive to class and was hurtful to other kids.  Ignacio then made me a promise to not form a group called the "Boy Scouts."  Little does he know they already exist and are also, ironically, led by a bunch of bullies....especially if you happen to be a gay kid.  Things are looking up and he is "back to normal" in the classroom.  This whole thing of releasing your kids into the world sure is an anxiety provoking endeavour for me as a mom. But I trust that our family is strong enough and safe enough for our kids to land softly and safely when the world gets a little rough. 

Got your back

Ignacio is dealing with his first case of heartbreak and exclusion at school.  A group of girls, who shall remain anonymous, have formed a clique called the "Girl Scouts."  Sounds adorable right?    This little organized group has decided that they only play with girls...and certain girls at that.  Quiet frankly they are like the mob but dressed in adorable outfits and pig tails.  They only play amongst themselves.  My little Ignacio now finds himself in a tough spot, wanting to join their reindeer games and feeling the rejection like an arrow through his little heart.  It doesn't help that the Girl Scouts sometimes have what moms may call "potty mouths" and also say mean things to Ignacio.  The newest is, "Liar, liar pant on fire." To  make matters worse, Ignacio was in a mad love affair with one of the girls who has joined the Girl Scouts.  Since her inclusion into the group she has changed, and, although she doesn't say mean things to Ignacio, she won't play with him like she used to.  At least not in front of the Girl Scouts. They were planning to marry.

 We have been talking so much about it at home and with teachers, trying to develop a plan to teach, mentor and resolve this dynamic in the classroom.  And this is where my little brave Emilio comes into the story. Today we went to pick Ignacio up and the Girl Scouts sat in a line next to him watching what he was doing.  Emilio stood in front of them, hands on hips and alternating his weight between his two little feet.  I stood back to see what was going to happen.  Emilio proceeded to ask, in his broken English mind you, why they say "Liar pant of fire" to his brother.  At that point they laughed and said, "What?" to which he repeated his question.  That is where I took over and had a hypothetical conversation with the Girl Scouts about kids who say mean things to other kids.  I even taught our family's age-old rule, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."  Hypothetically speaking of course.  With that the Cisneros crew walked out.  Ignacio...we got your back. 

Missing

Dear Grandma,

I wanted to call you so bad the other day, just to hear your laugh.  I look at your picture every day and smile.  I still struggle some days to believe that I will never see you or hear you like always.  I struggle to imagine the days passing and the boys getting bigger and you not appearing in anymore pictures.  There are some days I need you so bad.  I need to hear you say you love me and, like a five year old girl, I need to hear you say I am doing a good job.  Even now your support and approval made all the difference; like a wise spirit woman extending her hand back to me.  Where are you wise spirit woman?  Are you in the beautiful clouds I look at through the window or maybe you are in Emilio's belly laugh?  Are you swimming in the murky puddles I walk through or in Angel's warm embrace?  Are you in the black birds that fly without care or in my warm tears of longing? Where ever you are, you are not forgotten.  Your love lives on, in me.  It lives in my kind words and strong hands.  It lives in the prayers we say as a family at night and in kisses that get planted on the boys' cheeks.  It lives in the food I make and the flowers I smell. And most importantly, it lives in the overwhelming sense of joy I get when feeling the baby kick. You live on.  I miss you, but more importantly, I still love you.  Be well grandma and bless me.

POOP!!!!

Emilio has been peeing beautifully in the toilet for about a month, but like his brother experienced at age 2, pooping in the toilet has been a terrifying concept...until TUESDAY night!!  Yes, Emilio pooped in the toilet and was a little freaked out according to Angel but hung in there are then proclaimed that his poop looked like a worm.  Ignacio, like the good big brother that he is, kindly proceeded to educate Emilio on the proper ways to wipe and all that that process entails.  Angel said it was adorable to watch the mentor mentoring the student on poop.  When I came home the boys proclaimed the news and Emilio went to get a marker to show me the color the poop was.  Brown.  Bye, Bye diapers!!!  Ahhhhh....just in time to buy the newborn size again.  Saved by the bell...or should I say poop?