Missing

Dear Grandma,

I wanted to call you so bad the other day, just to hear your laugh.  I look at your picture every day and smile.  I still struggle some days to believe that I will never see you or hear you like always.  I struggle to imagine the days passing and the boys getting bigger and you not appearing in anymore pictures.  There are some days I need you so bad.  I need to hear you say you love me and, like a five year old girl, I need to hear you say I am doing a good job.  Even now your support and approval made all the difference; like a wise spirit woman extending her hand back to me.  Where are you wise spirit woman?  Are you in the beautiful clouds I look at through the window or maybe you are in Emilio's belly laugh?  Are you swimming in the murky puddles I walk through or in Angel's warm embrace?  Are you in the black birds that fly without care or in my warm tears of longing? Where ever you are, you are not forgotten.  Your love lives on, in me.  It lives in my kind words and strong hands.  It lives in the prayers we say as a family at night and in kisses that get planted on the boys' cheeks.  It lives in the food I make and the flowers I smell. And most importantly, it lives in the overwhelming sense of joy I get when feeling the baby kick. You live on.  I miss you, but more importantly, I still love you.  Be well grandma and bless me.