Ignacio sure is something else. I can hardly believe it but his first year of preschool is over. His graduation was last week, which I had to miss because I wasn't up and about yet. My heart broke a little but I knew that there will be more moments. He jumped out of Jenny's van with his little graduation cap on and I could hardly believe it. The next day was his official "last day" and I was a little sad. I have to admit; I had a moment. I have made some great friends with other moms with whom I have shared some really tough and personal moments with this year. I call them my "preschool friends" as a joke. When I asked Ignacio if he wanted to go back to Joyce next year he said he wanted to go straight to kindergarten. Classic Ignacio.
And so we look forward to the summer I am excited to spend the time with him and not have to worry about drop offs and pick ups, but I know he will need some major social engagement so I am paying close attention to which parks are packed with the most kids. That is where you will find us. He is a social flutter bug. Within minutes he is making a friend, running around and/or orchestrating some game with a group of often-time older kids. Emilio is usually stealing some kids sand toys on the sly or bravely defending his own.
Ignacio is on the border between school-age kid and my little boy. I can feel it. He prefers to wrestle than snuggle some days but yet still requests that we, "sleep like little kitties" together during his nap. This usually results in us falling asleep while holding each other's hands. He says the most profound things during this time. "We will be together forever." "It is important to share our love with others." "Even when I am dead I will send my love to you, just not with my body." I often doze off in amazement at what a little philosopher he is and where it originates. For a kid who has never even been to Sunday School, he is the most spiritual person I know. Grandma says it comes from me. She may be right.
He is still pretty easy to discipline. I actually can't even remember the last time I had to put him in a cool down now that I think about it. He still goes through anxious phases when he is scared of a certain part of our house or of being alone. We got through the last one by him putting on his super hero cape and saging the house with smoke, directing it to the places of the house that most freak him out. I even let him hold the burning sage so he was REALLY in control of cleaning out all the "scaries" and it seemed to work. We just roll with it. He rarely comes in our bed anymore but when he does we know it is probably for a good reason. We just roll with it. It can be frustrating and overwhelming but we are able to deal with it when it comes up, which is a rarer occurrence with the passing time. We just recognize and honor that he is a pretty "tuned in" kid and that makes him our little one.
All in all, he is just something else. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Friday, June 1, 2012
No reason for this season.
Life sure is funny sometimes. It leaves you asking so many questions; so many of them without answers. Why do things happen the way they do? Is there even a reason? Am I trying to make sense out of something so senseless? Am I supposed to be more sad, more scared? What do I want to do with my time here? What is the goal? What is my purpose? What is left to be done and what is it that I need to let go of forever? Why do things happen in the order they do? Does it mean something? Is it all a sign? Are we to listen? Are we to move ahead? Where do we go? Will the answers become clear with time or do we need to have a plan? Is our family complete and who decides? Who? What? Why? Where? When?
Unforgettable
Things I don't EVER want to forget:
*Emilio's little sayings:
-Amo Mami
-Lalalu for Dinosaur train
-Daqui for Lighting McQueen
-mano for hermano
-mas arriba for higher in the swings
-allboardchoochootren the game the boys play with each other every night
-Lala for elmo
-bebe does it
-Yo!! for "I do it"
-nuggies for snuggles
-No tu for no you
Emilio is such a big boy but I feel myself holding on to him so tightly as a baby, especially considering recent events. I cry because I can't recall him as a baby off the top of my head. I don't remember every month, every moment. Some of it is all a blur because I was so sick. I want it all back. I want to live it all again with him. I know I was there but I can't remember it "like it was yesterday" and I know that today will be one of those days in the future when I long to remember him at 2 years 3 months. He is so beautiful. He is so kind. He shocks people with his politeness and he is ADORABLE. His character is strong and his throws his fits, cries and screams and you know it when he is mad. He is intense and I try hard not to just give in as to avoid WWIII half the time. He and his brother love each other. They play so well together. They snuggle. They say gracias and por favor to each other. Today Emilio fell and Ignacio requested to put his bandaid on for him. They are so wonderful in each other's lives. Emilio always thinks about his brother, always requested the thing he is requesting for his brother too. Ignacio equally wants to be like his brother. If one is in shoes and the other in sandles they will switch to both be in the same thing. If one has short sleeves on the wants that too. They are so funny that way. He is growing so fast too. He is already in 3T clothes and so long. He is healthy and strong. When he runs he looks like a 4 year old. He is fearless...he jumped in the pool without his life jacket on and after Angel fished him out he wanted to do it again. I look at him in amazement. It seems like a dream that my body made them; that they turned out okay. This time with him is unforgettable but it is sadly so easy to forget.
*Emilio's little sayings:
-Amo Mami
-Lalalu for Dinosaur train
-Daqui for Lighting McQueen
-mano for hermano
-mas arriba for higher in the swings
-allboardchoochootren the game the boys play with each other every night
-Lala for elmo
-bebe does it
-Yo!! for "I do it"
-nuggies for snuggles
-No tu for no you
Emilio is such a big boy but I feel myself holding on to him so tightly as a baby, especially considering recent events. I cry because I can't recall him as a baby off the top of my head. I don't remember every month, every moment. Some of it is all a blur because I was so sick. I want it all back. I want to live it all again with him. I know I was there but I can't remember it "like it was yesterday" and I know that today will be one of those days in the future when I long to remember him at 2 years 3 months. He is so beautiful. He is so kind. He shocks people with his politeness and he is ADORABLE. His character is strong and his throws his fits, cries and screams and you know it when he is mad. He is intense and I try hard not to just give in as to avoid WWIII half the time. He and his brother love each other. They play so well together. They snuggle. They say gracias and por favor to each other. Today Emilio fell and Ignacio requested to put his bandaid on for him. They are so wonderful in each other's lives. Emilio always thinks about his brother, always requested the thing he is requesting for his brother too. Ignacio equally wants to be like his brother. If one is in shoes and the other in sandles they will switch to both be in the same thing. If one has short sleeves on the wants that too. They are so funny that way. He is growing so fast too. He is already in 3T clothes and so long. He is healthy and strong. When he runs he looks like a 4 year old. He is fearless...he jumped in the pool without his life jacket on and after Angel fished him out he wanted to do it again. I look at him in amazement. It seems like a dream that my body made them; that they turned out okay. This time with him is unforgettable but it is sadly so easy to forget.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Talk back
Oh boy, we have hit the talking back phase. We knew it was coming at age 4 and it has arrived. Ignacio is a talker anyway. He says EVERYTHING that is on his mind. This makes talking back a bit tricky. It has taken him awhile to get what "talking back" is. For him he is just saying what is in his head; which is what he always does. But, all good things must come to an end and his habit of saying everything that comes to mind has to be curbed. It is important in life to know when to stay quiet; when to think something but not say it; when to SHUT UP. Believe me. I have wanted to say that more than once...but I don't. So, we have zero tolerance. Angel was raised without talking back to his parents and we both agree kids here have gotten out of control with talking back. Too many chances, too many excuses, too many parental statements that end in a conversation. Nipping this right in the bud. I have a feeling we will be working on this for the rest of our lives with him but he is getting the message. I can see him fighting his natural urge to continue dialogue about something but he is slowly learning to "let it go" and "hold that thought" and be quiet. Silence...was a precious gift. Ahhhhhhhhhhh.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Winter Wonderland Vacation
Here we are hitting the road to head north...notice the boys are already sleeping in the back!
Some pictures at the pool. We swam every day. The boys loved it. Angel and I actually were able to BOTH sit down as they jumped in and out with their lifejackets on. What a milestone!
The above picture is one of my most memorable moments of the trip. We are sitting as it is snowing and I said to Emilio, "Shhhh...listen to the snow fall." We sat, perfectly focused on the present moment and a calm came over him. It was magical.Emilio wanted to call Mama Ama the WHOLE vacation. One of his favorite games was to say, "Mama Ama" and then go to the phone, pretend to talk and then say, "Bye" and hang up. We called her so that she could talk to him. It made his day...and hers!
Ignacio went ice skating for the first time. Here he is as a serious hockey player. He mostly just wanted to sit on the ice and play. Lacing up my skates brought back MAJOR memories from being little.
Emilio dressed himself.
The boys and I pretended to be in a house under the pine tree. 
We sat under this tree after Ignacio and I hiked for 1/2 an hour in the woods.
At one point he stopped and closed his eyes, put his hands together and said, "Dear God, we won't hurt your plants." Amazing.
Our familia....Emilio is a TOTAL Papa's boy. He sticks to him like glue. We are always making sure to give Ignacio extra time because he definately has competition in the Papa Department. Angel is so good about it though and makes a special effort with both the boys. They are so loved!
Here we are at the local General Store...that is actually the name...General Store. I love it! Liquidation SALE!! Notice that Ignacio bought a top hat and sun glasses. He says he is preparing for his job as "boss" at Emilio's upcoming birthday party. He also bought a microphone. Oh boy. Emilio got glasses too as to keep up with the fashion trends...or mostly just keep up with Ignacio.
We bought the boys scuba gear at the General Store. They thought they were sooooo cool. Notice Ignacio is without lifejacket!!!!
Ignacio wore his first pair of flip flops. He is offically size 1/2 in boys. No more toddler sizes. He looked so grown up with them on I seriously had a major moment watching him walk around the pool in them. I had to take a picture. FYI He asked if he could sleep in them.
On a nature walk. Note the binoculars. Nature observing is serious business.
This is the jacuzzi tub in our room. They boys took a bath in it every night and had a BLAST!Friday, March 2, 2012
This winter has hit us hard in terms of health. Between the stomach flu, strep, runny noses, fevers, viral rashes and ear infections we have had our whoping share of not feeling well this winter. Even Angel got double ear infections, which gave me a secret glimpse into what it will be like to live with him when he is 70 years old. "What??? What??? I can't hear you??!!!" UGGHHHHH!
The kids, other than being on and off sick are growing so big and strong and HILARIOUS. As I write this we are on vacation in northern Minnesota at a resort together as a family. It is actually our first family vacation with just the four of us. No one elses schedule to follow, not worrying about what others need. It is just us; at our own rhythm. Eight day stay in a really nice condo in the woods with jacuzzi tub (which the boys used every night for their baths), fireplace (which the boys ate picnics in front of frequently), backyard (which the boys trampled around in to play in the snow) and pools galore (which we visited every day, sometimes two times a day). We did some planned activity stuff...ice skating, games, etc. but mostly we just were with eachother. Today we went into town to the General Store and it was GOING OUT OF BUSINESS! Everything was a dollar and I screamed. It made me wish my mom and sister were with me. We LOVE things like this!!!!! 33 dollars later we left with the most RANDOM things...flip flops, scuba masks and coloring books.
Angel put it best when he said that here we had our "own little bubble" this week and that is exactly what it has felt like. Our home away from home with no where to go and no one to see. I have done a lot of meditating both sitting and walking, reading (I finished three books) and a ton of snuggling with Angel and the boys. Actually, now that I think of it, we have mostly snuggled! There will be pictures to follow.
Emilio has just blossomed into his own beautiful little person. He is our baby golden boy. In fact, if you ask him if he is a big boy he says, "Uh uh...bebe!" Okay, we got it Emilio. You are the baby. He is his own being. I don't know if it happened during this trip or if life just slowed down enough for me to finally notice. He is a solid member of our family. He is strong willed, funny and talking more and more each day. He just started putting two words together and his primary language appears to be Spanish, which is enough to make any parent fighting the current to raise bilingual kids proud. The other day he said, "Papa, mira" (Papa look) and Angel and I just laughed. He concentrated so hard to put those two words together. It is such a conscious effort. He is his brother's leader and, at the same time, shadow. One minute he is poking his brother or trying to make him laugh and the next he is watching Ignacio so closely so that he can do the exact same thing. He is rough and tumble with energetic snuggles and hugs with teeth gritting and hair all wild and then he is sweet and serene, stroking your face as he gently pulls you closer to him. He is our Emilio and he is turning two. Five more days to savor every minute with him as a one year old and take him all in as he is in this moment.
Ignacio is brilliant. He is our little golden boy. His capacity for compassion, generosity and understanding is breath-taking. He is constantly talking...but mostly asking questions. "Mommy, what does "cheat" mean? Mommy, what does "equal" mean? Mommy, does Peter Pan know how to drive? Mommy, does God make things die? Mommy, did you know Emilio is my baby dragon? Mommy, what does "civilization" mean? Mommy, tell me a story about when I was born. Mommy, did your heart feel my hug just now? Mommy, are God and Buddha friends?"....on and on. All day every day. He recently made a card for his preschool teacher because she is out sick and requested that I write, "Be happy and never loose your heart" on the front. That is Ignacio. He is intense and fiery when he needs to be. He is eager to learn. The other day he called me into the room and proudly displayed his name he has written all by himself on the dry erase board. I couldn't even believe it. This vacation he swam without a life jacket. My baby, who I held next to my heart every night for the first two weeks of his life, is jumping into a pool and swimming the length of it with his own strength and coordination. I could barely contain the tears.
The best gift is the two of them together. They are the best of friends. They fight, hit each other, argue over toys and who gets to press the elevator button. They are normal brothers who fight for our attention and get jealous when one gets more than the other. But outside of those moments, which are so few, they are beautiful together. Ignacio anxiously cares for Emilio as if he is his own baby, never entering the elevator until Emilio has, never running ahead in a parking lot without seeing his brother in front of him. He is his caretaker. Emilio knows when to bend and when to stay firm in their relationship. For instance, he will hold his ground and fight yet give his brother the toy Ignacio so badly wants that he is crying . The other day I came into the living room only to find them laying side by side rubbing eachother's heads. While taking a bath together they will stop playing and just hug. It is adorable. They are partners. They seek eachother and provide for eachother in only ways that brothers could do. They are precious.
The kids, other than being on and off sick are growing so big and strong and HILARIOUS. As I write this we are on vacation in northern Minnesota at a resort together as a family. It is actually our first family vacation with just the four of us. No one elses schedule to follow, not worrying about what others need. It is just us; at our own rhythm. Eight day stay in a really nice condo in the woods with jacuzzi tub (which the boys used every night for their baths), fireplace (which the boys ate picnics in front of frequently), backyard (which the boys trampled around in to play in the snow) and pools galore (which we visited every day, sometimes two times a day). We did some planned activity stuff...ice skating, games, etc. but mostly we just were with eachother. Today we went into town to the General Store and it was GOING OUT OF BUSINESS! Everything was a dollar and I screamed. It made me wish my mom and sister were with me. We LOVE things like this!!!!! 33 dollars later we left with the most RANDOM things...flip flops, scuba masks and coloring books.
Angel put it best when he said that here we had our "own little bubble" this week and that is exactly what it has felt like. Our home away from home with no where to go and no one to see. I have done a lot of meditating both sitting and walking, reading (I finished three books) and a ton of snuggling with Angel and the boys. Actually, now that I think of it, we have mostly snuggled! There will be pictures to follow.
Emilio has just blossomed into his own beautiful little person. He is our baby golden boy. In fact, if you ask him if he is a big boy he says, "Uh uh...bebe!" Okay, we got it Emilio. You are the baby. He is his own being. I don't know if it happened during this trip or if life just slowed down enough for me to finally notice. He is a solid member of our family. He is strong willed, funny and talking more and more each day. He just started putting two words together and his primary language appears to be Spanish, which is enough to make any parent fighting the current to raise bilingual kids proud. The other day he said, "Papa, mira" (Papa look) and Angel and I just laughed. He concentrated so hard to put those two words together. It is such a conscious effort. He is his brother's leader and, at the same time, shadow. One minute he is poking his brother or trying to make him laugh and the next he is watching Ignacio so closely so that he can do the exact same thing. He is rough and tumble with energetic snuggles and hugs with teeth gritting and hair all wild and then he is sweet and serene, stroking your face as he gently pulls you closer to him. He is our Emilio and he is turning two. Five more days to savor every minute with him as a one year old and take him all in as he is in this moment.
Ignacio is brilliant. He is our little golden boy. His capacity for compassion, generosity and understanding is breath-taking. He is constantly talking...but mostly asking questions. "Mommy, what does "cheat" mean? Mommy, what does "equal" mean? Mommy, does Peter Pan know how to drive? Mommy, does God make things die? Mommy, did you know Emilio is my baby dragon? Mommy, what does "civilization" mean? Mommy, tell me a story about when I was born. Mommy, did your heart feel my hug just now? Mommy, are God and Buddha friends?"....on and on. All day every day. He recently made a card for his preschool teacher because she is out sick and requested that I write, "Be happy and never loose your heart" on the front. That is Ignacio. He is intense and fiery when he needs to be. He is eager to learn. The other day he called me into the room and proudly displayed his name he has written all by himself on the dry erase board. I couldn't even believe it. This vacation he swam without a life jacket. My baby, who I held next to my heart every night for the first two weeks of his life, is jumping into a pool and swimming the length of it with his own strength and coordination. I could barely contain the tears.
The best gift is the two of them together. They are the best of friends. They fight, hit each other, argue over toys and who gets to press the elevator button. They are normal brothers who fight for our attention and get jealous when one gets more than the other. But outside of those moments, which are so few, they are beautiful together. Ignacio anxiously cares for Emilio as if he is his own baby, never entering the elevator until Emilio has, never running ahead in a parking lot without seeing his brother in front of him. He is his caretaker. Emilio knows when to bend and when to stay firm in their relationship. For instance, he will hold his ground and fight yet give his brother the toy Ignacio so badly wants that he is crying . The other day I came into the living room only to find them laying side by side rubbing eachother's heads. While taking a bath together they will stop playing and just hug. It is adorable. They are partners. They seek eachother and provide for eachother in only ways that brothers could do. They are precious.
Monday, January 2, 2012
Merry New Year
Well, I am sitting on the couch watching the star on the top of Christmas tree flash for no reason and thinking, "Tomorrow we take it down." Oh yes, the holiday season has come and gone. Angel just ran to get a movie and our two beautiful boys are soundly sleeping. And so I sit, in a quite house and write. Here are some of the highlights of our holiday season...
*Ignacio wrote his first letter to Baby Jesus this year (well...Angel wrote while Ignacio dictated) and we placed it in the tree to wait for Baby Jesus to come scoop it up. And sure enough on December 13th in the morning it was gone. Ignacio asked for a magnifying glass, binoculars and a Spiderman that talks. He got all three.
*Emilio says "Ho Ho" anytime he sees anything Christmas related and we probably heard it close to a billion times in a month span. His little pursed lips make it one of the highlights of the season for me.
*We decided to buy our tree at ACE Hardware...I know...not the image you conjure up when imagining the experience of cutting down your tree...but...it was the BEST tree we have EVER had. As I am sitting here now I can still smell it. Only $24.95!!
*We spent Christmas in the big white house in Athens and it was amazing to watch our little ones make memories in the house Mama Ama did as a little girl. I laughed, I cried, I ate. My highlight was interviewing my grandma for the book I got her for Christmas. My respect for her only deepened learning more about her past and her hopes for me in the future.
*Angel made TWO Venezuelan meals this holiday season. The first was at Mama Ama's house for Christmas and the second was at Tia Casey's house for New Year's Eve. Amazing.
*After unpacking our bags from Athens we packed them up again to head to the North Shore to see Casey. It felt relaxing to be a warm, nurturing place where there was someone asking ME what I needed and wanted rather than being the one cooking, cleaning and tending after the little ones. I did little cooking, almost no cleaning and much reading and relaxing.
*The New Year was brought in along side my love bug Angel after a beautful meal with great people at Casey's house. We did it full Venezuelan style from the food to the traditions and grapes. It was great. The boys slept the WHOLE night both nights there!!! I was coming off a day of nausea and stomach pain but managing to feel better within 24 hours.
*Now we wait and wish for SNOW!!! The kids now have all the gear...we just need the white stuff!!! Here is hoping January will totally make up for the warm, grey month of December.
I am thankful for all the love in my life that comes to me in the form of family and friends who make my life full of life and laughter. I am thankful for the lessons of this year and the strength I have found in myself to create a healthy and safe childhood for my kids. I am sad for the losses I have experienced and continue to experience but continue to hold hope that love conquers all. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
*Ignacio wrote his first letter to Baby Jesus this year (well...Angel wrote while Ignacio dictated) and we placed it in the tree to wait for Baby Jesus to come scoop it up. And sure enough on December 13th in the morning it was gone. Ignacio asked for a magnifying glass, binoculars and a Spiderman that talks. He got all three.
*Emilio says "Ho Ho" anytime he sees anything Christmas related and we probably heard it close to a billion times in a month span. His little pursed lips make it one of the highlights of the season for me.
*We decided to buy our tree at ACE Hardware...I know...not the image you conjure up when imagining the experience of cutting down your tree...but...it was the BEST tree we have EVER had. As I am sitting here now I can still smell it. Only $24.95!!
*We spent Christmas in the big white house in Athens and it was amazing to watch our little ones make memories in the house Mama Ama did as a little girl. I laughed, I cried, I ate. My highlight was interviewing my grandma for the book I got her for Christmas. My respect for her only deepened learning more about her past and her hopes for me in the future.
*Angel made TWO Venezuelan meals this holiday season. The first was at Mama Ama's house for Christmas and the second was at Tia Casey's house for New Year's Eve. Amazing.
*After unpacking our bags from Athens we packed them up again to head to the North Shore to see Casey. It felt relaxing to be a warm, nurturing place where there was someone asking ME what I needed and wanted rather than being the one cooking, cleaning and tending after the little ones. I did little cooking, almost no cleaning and much reading and relaxing.
*The New Year was brought in along side my love bug Angel after a beautful meal with great people at Casey's house. We did it full Venezuelan style from the food to the traditions and grapes. It was great. The boys slept the WHOLE night both nights there!!! I was coming off a day of nausea and stomach pain but managing to feel better within 24 hours.
*Now we wait and wish for SNOW!!! The kids now have all the gear...we just need the white stuff!!! Here is hoping January will totally make up for the warm, grey month of December.
I am thankful for all the love in my life that comes to me in the form of family and friends who make my life full of life and laughter. I am thankful for the lessons of this year and the strength I have found in myself to create a healthy and safe childhood for my kids. I am sad for the losses I have experienced and continue to experience but continue to hold hope that love conquers all. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)