Transformative-Part 1

10pm first contraction. 10:14 second contraction. this could be it. 10:15 Ignacio wakes up and wants to be "with mommy" and we bring him in bed. 11:30pm I wake Angel up to tell him I am in labor. Silence. Darkness. Ignacio breathing. Quiet and comfortable in bed. Contractions coming. No sleep. watching ignacio sleep and breathe. it will all be different soon. this is it. we are all together for one last night. closeness. contractions coming stronger. not more frequent. a few minutes of sleep between them. ignacio moving. my baby boy. rubbing his head. darkness and quiet. laboring in bed. ride it like a wave. stay above it. daybreak. ignacio up. moving through the morning routine. eating cold pancakes with ignacio on the couch. singing songs during contractions. still 10 minutes apart. eyes closed. move through it. ride it. i don't want to be apart from ignacio. when should i send him to krista's? i should but don't want to. want him close. it is all going to change. eating bread. laying in bed. contractions coming. 10am still contracting. wonder if i've made progress. time for ignacio to go. crying in bed. can't bear to be away. i have to do this. sitting in bed. trying to dry my tears. maria comes to pick him up. my labor picks up. call krissy. ignacio's on his way. crying. i don't know why i am crying. the tears just come. breathe. contractions 5 minutes apart. call the midwife. call Amy. come to the clinic. ignacio has to go. bags are packed. make sure to send his toys. does he have everything. i can do this. i have to do this. call krissy. "how was that for you?" just what i needed her to ask. "take care of my baby boy." "I will." bye ignacio. love you through and through. contractions coming faster now. body is ready. take a shower. breathe through it. it is okay. relax. calmness. stillness in the house. walking hurts. sit, walk, sit walk. laying in hallway. contractions coming stronger. pressure when standing. angel helps me up. we make it to the car. eyes closed. ride it like a wave. stay above it. ride it.