Disbanded

Ignacio returned home on Wednesday and informed me that the "Girl Scouts" have officially been disbanded by the teachers at school.  A decision was reached that their group was disruptive to class and was hurtful to other kids.  Ignacio then made me a promise to not form a group called the "Boy Scouts."  Little does he know they already exist and are also, ironically, led by a bunch of bullies....especially if you happen to be a gay kid.  Things are looking up and he is "back to normal" in the classroom.  This whole thing of releasing your kids into the world sure is an anxiety provoking endeavour for me as a mom. But I trust that our family is strong enough and safe enough for our kids to land softly and safely when the world gets a little rough. 

Got your back

Ignacio is dealing with his first case of heartbreak and exclusion at school.  A group of girls, who shall remain anonymous, have formed a clique called the "Girl Scouts."  Sounds adorable right?    This little organized group has decided that they only play with girls...and certain girls at that.  Quiet frankly they are like the mob but dressed in adorable outfits and pig tails.  They only play amongst themselves.  My little Ignacio now finds himself in a tough spot, wanting to join their reindeer games and feeling the rejection like an arrow through his little heart.  It doesn't help that the Girl Scouts sometimes have what moms may call "potty mouths" and also say mean things to Ignacio.  The newest is, "Liar, liar pant on fire." To  make matters worse, Ignacio was in a mad love affair with one of the girls who has joined the Girl Scouts.  Since her inclusion into the group she has changed, and, although she doesn't say mean things to Ignacio, she won't play with him like she used to.  At least not in front of the Girl Scouts. They were planning to marry.

 We have been talking so much about it at home and with teachers, trying to develop a plan to teach, mentor and resolve this dynamic in the classroom.  And this is where my little brave Emilio comes into the story. Today we went to pick Ignacio up and the Girl Scouts sat in a line next to him watching what he was doing.  Emilio stood in front of them, hands on hips and alternating his weight between his two little feet.  I stood back to see what was going to happen.  Emilio proceeded to ask, in his broken English mind you, why they say "Liar pant of fire" to his brother.  At that point they laughed and said, "What?" to which he repeated his question.  That is where I took over and had a hypothetical conversation with the Girl Scouts about kids who say mean things to other kids.  I even taught our family's age-old rule, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."  Hypothetically speaking of course.  With that the Cisneros crew walked out.  Ignacio...we got your back. 

Missing

Dear Grandma,

I wanted to call you so bad the other day, just to hear your laugh.  I look at your picture every day and smile.  I still struggle some days to believe that I will never see you or hear you like always.  I struggle to imagine the days passing and the boys getting bigger and you not appearing in anymore pictures.  There are some days I need you so bad.  I need to hear you say you love me and, like a five year old girl, I need to hear you say I am doing a good job.  Even now your support and approval made all the difference; like a wise spirit woman extending her hand back to me.  Where are you wise spirit woman?  Are you in the beautiful clouds I look at through the window or maybe you are in Emilio's belly laugh?  Are you swimming in the murky puddles I walk through or in Angel's warm embrace?  Are you in the black birds that fly without care or in my warm tears of longing? Where ever you are, you are not forgotten.  Your love lives on, in me.  It lives in my kind words and strong hands.  It lives in the prayers we say as a family at night and in kisses that get planted on the boys' cheeks.  It lives in the food I make and the flowers I smell. And most importantly, it lives in the overwhelming sense of joy I get when feeling the baby kick. You live on.  I miss you, but more importantly, I still love you.  Be well grandma and bless me.

POOP!!!!

Emilio has been peeing beautifully in the toilet for about a month, but like his brother experienced at age 2, pooping in the toilet has been a terrifying concept...until TUESDAY night!!  Yes, Emilio pooped in the toilet and was a little freaked out according to Angel but hung in there are then proclaimed that his poop looked like a worm.  Ignacio, like the good big brother that he is, kindly proceeded to educate Emilio on the proper ways to wipe and all that that process entails.  Angel said it was adorable to watch the mentor mentoring the student on poop.  When I came home the boys proclaimed the news and Emilio went to get a marker to show me the color the poop was.  Brown.  Bye, Bye diapers!!!  Ahhhhh....just in time to buy the newborn size again.  Saved by the bell...or should I say poop?

Movin' and Groovin'

This morning I was laying in bed and felt the little one kick hard enough to feel by touch on my belly.  Angel was there and I placed my hand where it happened and, sure enough, there it is was.  He felt two really good kicks or elbows or butts...whatever it was.  Ignacio put his hand there too but then said, "Come out, come out where ever you are!" So cute.  No kicks today for him but it will happen .  The boys are so adorable.  Emilio comes to kiss my belly and Ignacio asks a million questions a day about it.  Two weeks and we will know if it is a boy or a girl!! Keep growing and moving little beautiful baby!!

Phoenix

Week 17 of 40 and, in quite the unpredictable fashion, I am starting to have days where I feel "normal" and am getting things back on track.  Last week I did laundry, cooked dinner and even steam mopped my floors.  Oh, and did an art project with my kids.  These things may seem trivial but, for someone who has been nauseous and vomiting 24/7 for almost 3 months, this is VICTORY!  On the days I am feeling myself I feel that I can conquer the world...and I almost do until I realize I am exhausted! Preschool, Target, and Goodwill all in 4 hours is a bit too much.  Slow down Katrina!  One these days I feel good I feel I can make it; I can do this.  My house looks normal, my kids are happy and all is well in Cisneros Land.  My hope is that these days will continue to increase in number as the snow melts and spring rears it's hopeful head.  Oh yes, this this Phoenix will RISE from the ashes.  I am stronger than I thought.  Funny how life continues to teach me this lesson.  I will be better and my family will be stronger for having experienced the journey of bringing this little baby into the world.  Keep growing beautiful baby.  You are so loved already and your mommy is getting stronger by the day. 

Baby

Trust and love.
All is well.
Love those in your life and be open.
Worth the wait.