Failure

It was impressive the lack of effectiveness I displayed in my parenting today. I know what you are all thinking..."No one is perfect." "We all have our days." "I'm sure you did just fine." But that is not how I feel and not what I want to hear. Most days I feel intensely the reason why I stay home to raise my kids. The purpose is clear, the love palpable. Then there are days like today when I am convinced my kids would be better off being raised by someone else and I am equally convinced I would be better off not being with them for so much time. I don't feel guilty and I don't feel "bad"...I guess the word would be "disappointed" in myself and in my kids. Anyone who knows me knows that Katrina doesn't do well with "disappointment" so I am faced with yet another lesson on my journey. How to be okay and forgiving of myself when I have let myself down. Dig deep, love unconditionally and make an effort to make it all okay...to convince myself that I am okay.